


Death by Torchwood is a figure of speech

by FragileObject



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Crying, Death, Drama, Love, M/M, Marriage, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-06 01:10:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FragileObject/pseuds/FragileObject
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack knows that damned day had to come... But there's another thing no one knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death by Torchwood is a figure of speech

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Muerte por Torchwood es una manera de hablar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/729930) by [FragileObject](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FragileObject/pseuds/FragileObject). 



> I apologize for my english, I think it's one of my worst translations. I beg your pardon.

Ianto went into the Hub by the tourist office but closed the door behind him, leaving out the beautiful sunny spring day that had dawned on Cardiff. It was still early and there was something he wanted to do before starting his workday. He tidied the space, although it was an easy task since the small office was always spotless, he adjusted his striped tie and dark vest in front the mirror of the locker where he kept some personal belongings and, taking the bags with the different lunches he had bought for his coworkers, he went into the bowels of Torchwood. During the minutes it took to walk hallways and elevators to get to the heart of the base, Ianto could only think of how much he had missed Jack last night. He hadn’t seen his boss since yesterday noon. Boss, lover, husband... He had heard everywhere that after a few years of marriage, passion run out and was replaced by friendship (in the best case), by custom or (in the worst and most dangerous of cases) by the extreme hatred and murder. Jack and Ianto had been married for thirteen years and none of them accused any fatigue in that sense. In fact, in any sense. They had managed to integrate with enthusiasm their work in Torchwood and childcare without decreasing an apex their explosive sex life. Ianto loved his husband, loved his children and loved his life. Sometimes he could not believe how happy he was.

The Welshman came into the main room of the base and nodded and smiled at Gwen and Toshiko, who was reading data on a screen that gave her a dozen sensors connected to a strange alien device cylindrically shaped laying within a glass cage on a table in the center of the base and that was precisely the guilty of Ianto having spent the night without his husband. Torchwood team had dismantled the previous morning the remains of a falling ship outside Cardiff. The ship was very strange and very small, with completely unknown provenance for them. When crossing the Rift, the unit had collapsed completely, to the point of making difficult to ensure if it ever had been manned by some form of life or not. Owen had taken samples of what appeared to be some tissue, but he had not yet issued any results. The only thing that appeared to have held fairly well the insane journey through the Rift was this metal cylinder, strange and, according with Ianto, ugly and disturbing, now being studied. A reading of Jack’s vortex manipulator at the scene of the impact had assured that the object emitted a signal and the Captain had ordered to take it to the base in order to be investigated. The signal, a magnetic vibration, not acoustic, had followed throughout the day and at the evening arrival, Jack had decided to stay overnight in the Hub to find out what the hell it was. Tosh also insisted on staying. Owen and Gwen were gone to join their families promising to come back very early in the morning. Ianto returned home after picking up Gwyneth and Kai from school, he made dinner, spent the evening with them between homework and television and, at last, put them into bed. Later, alone in his own bed, he had missed the warm body, the smell and the smile of Jack.

He took one last look at the hateful device before climbing the stairs to the office of his boss. Definitely, there was something about that thing he did not like. But any feeling about alien objects completely dissipated from his mind as he entered the room and feel the radiant smile of welcome from Jack in his whole being, as if it was the sun of the spring that shone on the surface.

—Good morning, —said Jack leaving some papers on the desk and standing up. He wore a light blue shirt with rolled up sleeves. Surely he hadn’t even slept ten minutes in whole night.

—Bore da, cariad —the Welsh greeted depositing the bags with groceries on a chair.

Without another word, Jack came around the desk, grabbed Ianto’s waist and both kissed anxiously. The kiss was long, passionate, devourer. Ianto dugged his fingers in the short hair on Jack’s nape and, with the other arm, pressed him to his body to feel the heat on his own skin despite the clothes, breast to breast, thigh to thigh. Jack’s hands traveled, toured and explored. After a moment, the Captain buried his face in his lover’s neck, stifling a laugh.

—My God, Ianto. One would think that we haven’t seen each other in one year...

Ianto laughed too.

—Time is relative, as Einstein said.

—Ah, my clever husband —Jack whispered, stroking the line of Ianto’s upper lip with a fingertip. They kept hugging each other, with almost intertwined thighs, rubbing, swinging almost as if they were dancing. 

—The kids... ok?

—Perfect —said Ianto with his beautiful deep voice, eating him with his eyes.

—So... do you have five minutes for me?

—I have at least ten.

Jack’s pale eyes smiled with his mouth. In fact, all of his cells smiled. He dragged Ianto to his desk while his hands began to unbuckle his belt.

—With ten minutes we can do miracles... —he said devouring again his husband’s mouth.

It was true, with a job like their and two preteen children at home, the Harkness-Jones had learned to masterfully take advantage of the short periods they had to enjoy each other. In recent years, the bathroom of their room in their beautiful family house with two floors, and certain corners of the Hub, outside CCTV circuits, had become their favorite shelters. But no matter if they could have only minutes or whole weekends. For them there was not a simple and necessary relief. No, their sex life was imaginative, fun, fully satisfactory. An outside observer would have described it as prodigious.

After ten minutes, Ianto Jones recomposed his famously perfect dress with a smile while Jack Harkness minimally put in order his desktop. Ianto could still feel the touch of Jack out and inside of his body. He loved that feeling and thought he could make it last at least all day, evoking again and again.

—I’m going to take this to the kitchen —he said taking again the forgotten shopping bags—. Lunch for everyone in the meeting room at, say, half an hour. Is that okay?

—It sounds like heavenly music —Jack replied as he put in order some files that had fallen to the floor—. Will we have coffee? Please? You have no idea how much I missed your coffee last night...

Ianto turned slowly and looked at Jack. He could not help but swallow hard and think about those evil dolls who turned around their neck and looked at you in horror films that the four Harkness-Jones used to see on the weekends, curled up on the couch, covering the yes to each other and laughing nonstop. But the expression of Ianto not exactly invited to hilarity.

—Have you missed my coffee? —the Welshman said the printing the drama in his modulated and deep voice—. So I spend the night alone, spinning in our vast, cold bed, cursing that ugly metal thing that separates you from me, then I do the housework, took the kids to school and bring a personalized lunch to each of you, all at breakneck speed to get to the Hub soon with the sole purpose that you can fuck me on your desk of supreme leader of Torchwood before my work day starts... and you... you... you missed my coffee?

Jack smiled, walked around his desk again quickly, hugged Ianto tightly and kissed him with renewed passion. Ianto, surprised by Jack’s reaction, surrendered to the kiss, laughing.

—You are an incorrigible dickhead, Jack. Let me go before we finish fucking again and the other catch us! I know you don’t mind an audience but I do.

—I was showing you I not only had missed your coffee...

—All right, all right, you win —Ianto said separating from Jack and walking towards the door—. Lunch in half an hour and you tell me what you learned from that thing.

Jack suddenly got serious and dug his hands into the pockets of his pants.

—You already know what it is? —Ianto asked, worried.

—Not the slightest idea. But Tosh says that the going out signal looks like a... countdown.

—Countdown? What for?

Jack shook his head.

—We don’t know. As a precaution, we have put it in a cage of kolessian glass. Explosion and tearing proof, you know. Tosh and I tried to decipher the code that it emits, Gwen is reviewing files to find weapons made with similar metal alloys and Owen continues to analyze the organic remains.

—I see. In other words, we don’t know much.

—No, not much.

Ianto left the office and in order to cheer up his husband, he said without turning:

—We can only be sure of one thing: you’re a dickhead!

Behind him, Jack’s powerful voice made him laugh again.

—YOU ARE THE DICKHEAD!

 

Ianto went down the stairs and through the base towards the kitchen.

—Lunch in half an hour! —he exclaimed, raising happy expressions of thanks from his three companions and friends.

 

After no more than five minutes, Jack went down to the room where the girls were working and went to the table where the strange object lay. He stared for a while, grimly, arms crossed over his chest. He liked the puzzles, but hated it could last so much while he was helpless. Besides, he had a strange feeling. Since his vortex manipulator read the issuance of the object in the crashed ship, Jack had a strange feeling. That thing was going to cause problems.

—What’s new, Tosh?

The woman approached him with a tablet in hands.

—It’s definitely a countdown —Toshiko said—. But I can not tell when it will end. Or what will happen next...

—Gwen? —Jack asked his other companion.

—I can not find anything like that alloy, Jack. But I thought to find something else: Countdown emitting devices. And according to all that Torchwood has cataloged... well, it must be a bomb.

Jack looked at her without answering. Actually, it was the most plausible answer.

—The kolessian glass has resisted all kinds of explosions so far —Tosh said. We do not know how long we have because we do not understand the code, so we can not disable or detonate it. It’s disappointing, but I think we can only wait.

—Remote controlled bombs. One of many creepy and coward things that living beings are capable of inventing —Jack said more to himself than to anyone else.

Tosh imagined the endless wars and species in which Jack was thinking at the time. So many years at his side had made her knowing him well.

—There was no one alive on board the ship —said Owen from the steps of the medical unit—. The tissue collected is organic, but I am more inclined to believe it was the remains of someone’s lunch... well, than a “somebody”. So if that’s a bomb, it should be destined to destroy the ship... or who collect the ship.

—So... —Gwen said—, we can only wait? For an explosion?

—It seems so —said Jack, grimly.

—Well, I propose that we go to have that lunch that Harkness-Jones the second has prepared for us with all his love of...

But Owen could not finish the sentence. At the sight of everyone, the cylinder broke through its center, beeped strangely and the upper half rose revealing a zone of a lighter color that seemed to be made of a metal almost liquid.

—EVERYBODY DOWN! —shouted Jack pulling and dragging Tosh with him.

One after other, in circle, the malicious device launched, accompanied by whistles, a series of tapered and sharp projectiles that pierced the kolessian glass as if it was water. A couple of them went skimming the heads of Toshiko and the Captain. Owen almost jumped down the stairs of the autopsy room to dodge more missiles and Gwen took refuge behind her desk while two or three of those little deadly weapons dug deep into the board. A monitor exploded, a pair of glasses were broken and when Ianto left the kitchen wondering what that noise was, the last of the bullets pierced his chest.

—They aren’t explosive, they are... a kind of magnetic bombs! —Toshiko cried from the ground, oblivious to the tragedy that had just occurred—. They dig into electronic equipment and destroy the data!

—I’m putting out the generator! —Gwen shouted from behind her desk.

But Jack had not heard a word. When he saw that the last bullet passed through the body of his beloved almost at the level of his heart, he got up and ran to his husband at a so dizzying speed that when he reached him, Ianto hadn’t hit the ground yet.

—Ianto! —he bellowed.

Jack sat on the floor, with Ianto’s body across his lap. The Welshman looked into Jack’s with exorbitant eyes, as if he understood nothing of what was going on or, perhaps, as if he understood too much. Jack opened his jacket and waistcoat. The flow of blood spread very quickly, almost black on the red shirt.

—Oh, my God... —said Owen behind them, hurrying to catch a small case with first aid supplies and lunging to the ground beside them.

His eyes met Jack’s and the doctor understood what was going through the mind of his boss: there was nothing to do. The alien weapon had entered Ianto’s chest and exited through his back. While Owen opened Ianto’s beautiful red shirt with a pull trying to put pressure on the wound and the girls were approaching, suddenly in terror and despair, Jack forced Ianto to look at him, holding his cheek. He smiled as he smiled every morning when he woke up next to him in his big comfy bed, with infinite love and devotion.

—My love... —Jack whispered with his eyes full of tears.

Normally, mischief and some lust trickled in that look in seconds and in seconds it was always answered by Ianto, but at that time there was only room for panic. Owen tried to plug the wound of the chest and back at the same time, but the blood was flooding the lungs of his friend and the doctor could not help cursing between sobs.

With a huge effort, with blood pouring from his lips, Ianto grabbed the blue shirt of Jack. He was staring at him and the immortal realized what he was seeing in those blue eyes for which he would have died a million times. Ianto felt no fear, his Ianto was as brave as the bravest Celtic warrior of his ancestors. What Ianto Harkness-Jones felt was anger. Ianto was angry, he didn’t want go, he didn’t want to leave his husband and children, not that way, not yet. He tried to speak, and blood spurted from his lips. He coughed a few times as his hand lost strength and his eyes lost the light that inspired it. He was choking. Within seconds, Ianto Harkness-Jones was dead.

—IANTO...! Ianto, my God, no, no, no... —Jack said with a small voice, cradling the body of his beloved—. Please... don’t leave me, Ianto.

Owen stood up and angrily threw the case with syringes against the wall. At the time, Gwen fell to her knees, mourning.

—Ianto... No... You can’t... Not yet... What am I gonna tell the kids? —Jack stammered in a voice that didn’t seem his.

—We have turned off the main generators... in order those things don’t harm our system... —Toshiko said between shaking and tears—. I’m... sorry, I’m sorry... but we have to get out of here if we don’t want to spend twelve hours locked.

—Oh, my God —complained Gwen standing up and stumbling.

—The base is going to get blocked?! —Owen cried.

—For twelve hours. I picked the two projectiles that have stuck in our computers. We have three minutes if we want to quit.

—But we can’t... —Gwen tried to say.

—Get out of here! —Jack said.

—Jack, we can’t leave if you... —Owen began.

—OUT OF HERE! —Jack bellowed.

—JACK! —Owen cried too.

—OUT! OUT! OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! —Jack boomed while standing up and lifting Ianto’s body in his arms with an incredible strength—. OUT!

Tightening the body of his late husband, Jack descended the stairs of the autopsy room. Gwen tried to protest but Owen surrounded her with his arm, took Tosh’s hand with his free one and led them to the exit.

—Come with me.

 

Carefully, as if he was a child rather than an adult of height and muscilature more than considerable, Jack laid Ianto’s body on the table of the autopsy room. All around he could hear the sound of alarms and doors being sealed. There was some smoke. All the lights in the base, except the emergency ones, went out. Jack recomposed Ianto’s clothes, wondering vaguely how a wound that seemed so small could take his love’s life so quickly. As he crossed the bloody jacket over Ianto’s chest, tears almost not allowed him to see anything. Ignoring the blood, Jack laid his head on Ianto’s chest one last time and cried inconsolably.  
For long minutes he just cried. His mind was emptied of everything else. He just knew that what he feared most in the universe had happened: Ianto was dead.

 

Once in the exterior, Gwen was the first to stop running. She put her hands on her knees and bent over herself, crying. She could not believe what was happening. Since she started working at Torchwood, the specter of a possible early and tragic death had accompanied her, but it had been many years. She had come to believe that Torchwood, for the first time since its inception, was aging happily. She had even joked with Jack the possibility of recruiting younger people. All of them were in stable relationships, including Owen, all of them had their families... After all this time, so many uncertainties and so many horrors, Gwen thought everything would go well. She liked to leave Anwen to the care of Rhys and embark on adventures with her friends. This is how she understood life. She loved her complicity with Toshi and the sibling rivalry with Owen. And above all, she loved seeing Jack and Ianto living their unusual lives. She had learned a lot from them. Jack was the hero that she idolized and Ianto, the younger brother who had become a point of reference for everyone. Ianto was not only the father of Jack’s children, in a way, he was the father and mother of all the others. But now, Ianto... Ianto...

Owen held her tightly by the arm and pulled her to her feet.

—Come on, Gwen, we can not draw attention in the street.

Gwen took a deep breath and looked at Toshiko. She also had her cheeks streaked with tears. Gwen realized everyone was thinking the same thing: how could they go on without Ianto? What about Jack? Could he bear the loss of the person who had loved the most throughout his long life? What would happen now? Did he leave for good? He would take his mangled children and leave forever?

The two women embraced. Owen angrily tore away his tears.

—Not all systems were turned off. Some cameras will still be running —Toshiko said with a small voice, still holding Gwen.

—Can you... look for the signal with your ipad?

—No, we can do better —said Owen—. We can do it from the SUV.

The three friends ran to the parking lot.

 

Jack wiped one of his tears that had fallen on Ianto’s face, and continued to clean the blood from his lips. Just an hour before he had kissed those almost childish, resolved lips, with delight, with burning. He had had the skin of that body, hot, alive, naked, in contact with his own skin. Just an hour before, they had made love on the desk of his office and Jack had been inside Ianto, claiming him as his own, supplementing him, worshiping him. They had very similar and very different ways, of making love to each other. Jack was enthusiastic, arrogant, relentless and fiendishly imaginative, but gentle and patient. Ianto was not so patient. He had not had much time or many sources of learning as Jack, and that was something that from the beginning of their relationship he had endeavored to remedy. Ianto was a living library in many ways and he absorbed all the new things that Jack could teach him, about sex or any other issue. He was brave and risky and sometimes, he left aside the courtesy to surprise Jack, which made the Captain was mad with passion, unless the circumstances of the day shot in his mind memories of old nightmares that surpassed him. In times like these, Ianto became the world’s sweetest lover. Only he knew exorcise those ghosts and make Jack shiver of pleasure and be himself again.

Jack knew that Ianto was beginning to worry about the passage of time. The Welshman already exceeded the barrier of forty but did not look even closet to it. Well, that was something he would not have to worry anymore. What worried Jack, and much, were their children. Gwyneth and Kai worshiped Ianto as himself did. They had achieved a stable family life, happy and even enviable. How would he deal alone with two preteens? He, the immortal, the fixed point in time, the aberrant freak...

Jack stopped his thoughts suddenly. When his mind was lost in those dark roads, Orly Ianto knew to bring him back to the light. And Ianto could not doing more. He passed his swollen and red eyes over the medical room without seeing anything.

—You know, Ianto? I can’t stop thinking about one thing... The last thing I said to you was that you were a dickhead.

Jack burst into tears again and hugged Ianto’s body.

—Are the CCTV circuits operative? —Owen asked, sitting behind the wheel of the SUV.

Tosh’s voice, raspy, came from the back seat.

—I think almost every camera is working but no audio.

—I do not care. I just want to see that Jack doesn’t do any silliness while locked in there.

—I can make the entire system to recover in just... five or six hours —Toshiko said as she typed—. Then we’ll have to assess the damage those... those things have caused.

—What was that? —Gwen asked—. What were those damn sharp... bullets? They passed through the kolessian glass like butter!

—We expected an explosion. We could not know that it was designed to destroy electromagnetic devices. Is that what they do, Tosh? —Owen asked. For his voice no one could tell whether he was angry or upset. In Owen’s case it could well be both at the same time, along with a lot more of feelings.

—I don’t know it yet — Tosh said to Owen while manipulating the computer’s SUV—. They went through the glass, dug into the wood and brick, and the two that hit the computer and monitor destroyed the magnetic field and deleted lots of data... I swear I will analyze those things, find out how they work and find the way to deactivate and destroy them. We’ll never get caught unprepared again. I’ll mend all the damage they have caused in our system...

The three companions were silent a moment. Owen grabbed the still wheel and Gwen turned her head to look out the window to the other cars in the parking. They could not repair all the damage. A human body can’t be fixed as a computer system. Not even a human mind can be repaired at all. Tosh continued typing.

—Well, we have signal! —Owen exclaimed seeing the images formed on the monitors—. Look for the autopsy room camera, Tosh, please.

 

Jack threw the soaked gauze to the trash and combed Ianto’s short hair with his fingers. He had his own face and shirt stained with blood, but neither realized nor cared. He stroked his husband’s lips again: he adored those lips. They had been all over his body and had made him mad with joy. Actually, what part of Ianto did he not love to worship? The corpse was rapidly cooling and his skin was pale, almost bluish under those lights. Biting his lower lip to suppress the tremor, Jack took more gauze and clean water.

—I’ll get you a purple shirt. I prefer the red one, but… —he looked at his husband’s shirt, almost black because of the blood. It was the most horrible sight he could imagine. He breathed deeply and even tried to smile—. Gwyneth loves purple.

Carefully and very slowly, Jack wiped Ianto’s neck. When he was going to separate the clothes to clean the chest, he had to suppress thoughts like “My God, how can I be doing this?”, “How will I tell my children that they will not see Taddy again?”, “HOW WILL I CONTINUE WORKING ON THIS PLACE KNOWING THAT IANTO’S FROZEN BODY WITH HIS BLACK SUIT AND HIS PURPLE SHIRT IS LYING A FEW METERS UNDER MY FEET WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD THINK HE IS BURIED IN A NORMAL TOMB?”.

—I think I’m going crazy, I think I’m already crazy —he whispered, as if his late husband could hear him—. I was crazy once and you brought me back... You block the memories the Master left in my mind and in my body... How can I...

Jack took a deep breath again. He looked at the beautiful profile of Ianto and smiled. The resemblance between Kai and his father was amazing. It was a trivial fact, children inherit traits from their parents, but it made Jack feel extremely proud. Ianto had two beautiful children... and he, Jack Harkness, had given life to those two children. Keeping that thought in his head, he faced his task. He removed Ianto’s chest clothes and began to wash. Again, he noticed that the wound was incredibly small but he forced himself to not think about it.

—Guess what, my love? I’m sorry I’ve never told you how much I love you. Well, I’ve told you a million times that I love you, yes, but... not enough. It is not easy to express what I feel for you —he threw some gauze and continued his work. There was a lot of blood. Later he would undress him, wash his back and put on clean clothing—. When I started to realize how much in love I was with you, I got scared! Can you imagine? Because I had never felt anything like it. The truth is that never in all my life, before or after being as I am, I would have imagined that I could spend my life only with one person. And you are that person, the only person. I would have spent a thousand years with you, Ianto. No, no, a thousand years is nothing... The rest of eternity! Although no one believes it.

He threw the last soaked gauze to the trash and vaguely thought Owen would kill him when he saw the state of his medical area. He also vaguely tried to remember what time the kids would leave school that afternoon and wondered why the damn wound that traversed the Welsh warrior body of his husband seemed increasingly smaller and less red. He washed his hands and struggled with another wave of tears that rose to his throat. When he turned back toward the table and was just a step away was when Ianto, driven by an invisible spring, as someone who wakes up from a horrible nightmare, filling his lungs with air, came back to life.

Jack screamed and stumbled backward, falling on a little table of instruments and knocking everything. He didn’t feel the tremendous blow on his buttocks nor in his head hitting the wall, or the pair of cuts that a scalpel and a lancet opened in his arm by falling on him. He only became aware of the terrible cry of anguish and suffering that came from the bowels of Ianto, along with the remains the blood that he still had in his airways. Ianto, among coughs, sitting on the couch with bloodied clothes, looked at him with wide eyes. Jack returned the same look of terror. The wound in his chest and, he supposed, his back, was closing in front his eyes. Ianto had returned from the dead... IANTO WAS ALIVE!

 

—WHAT THE FUCK...?! —Owen could not believe his eyes. He even gave a little bump on the side of the monitor, as if what they were seeing was a problem of the transmission signal.

Beside him, Gwen gasped raising her palm to his face. Behind them, Toshiko, in a faint voice, said something in Japanese. A few seconds passed before any of the three could transform his thoughts into words.

—What the hell is going on? —Gwen asked—. WHAT THE...? HE WAS DEAD! IANTO WAS DEAD!

There was fear in the voice of Welsh women. Bewilderment, confusion, a lot of fear... but also a strange relief. Owen realized because he felt the same. He did not understand what he was seeing. He had seen Jack die and rise dozens of times and it never had seemed nice. But Ianto...

—He was dead, Gwen, I swear by my medical career he was dead.

Gwen stifled a sob almost simultaneously with Toshiko. Owen pressed hard his eyes with his fingertips. From the back seat, Toshi’s voice, still trembling, brought them back to reality.

—Owen, I think this is beyond us... I think it’s time to call the Doctor...

 

—Was I... —Ianto coughed before continuing. His voice was hollow and he spit a little of dried blood—, was I... dead, Jack?  
Jack slowly got to his feet but leaned against the wall. He looked like a frightened child who had done something wrong. A tear slid down his dirty face.

—I... —he moaned—, I don’t understand how...

—I WAS DEAD, JACK! —Ianto cried dropping his legs on one side of the table and facing the Captain—. That thing... it went through my whole chest!

Ianto touched his chest, where the bullet had entered his body.

—The wound is gone. You’re regenerating...

Jack finally mustered the courage to approach Ianto and caressed the chest with his fingertips. The wound was not more than a quickly disappearing discolored area.

—But it hurts... It hurts a lot!

Jack looked at Ianto and more tears fell from his eyes.

—I know... It will hurt for a while... I mean, if...

“If you’re like me”, he thought, but was not able to say it out loud.

Ianto stared back in fear and compassion. He had always known that dying and rising was horrible for Jack, but now he understood to what extent. Then he realized the deplorable state of his husband. His blue shirt, his pants and the right side of his face were smeared with blood. In addition, a trail of fresh blood, of his own, was running down his arm. And the tears... God, his tears were running to his neck. Those blue and sad eyes were incredibly swollen from mourn.

—My God, Jack... Is this how you feel when you die and resurrect?

Jack, unable to take his eyes off Ianto, first felt the strong breeze that stirred his hair. He did not paid attention, until seconds later he heard a sound that was engraved in his soul and always, for better or worse, was the harbinger of great events in his life. The TARDIS resonated with deafening force throughout the base, her characteristic sound spreading and multiplying the by all runners, basements and crannies of the huge Hub. The wooden, deep blue cabin, bright and spotless, materialized majestically atop the stairs leading to the autopsy area. If Jack had been able to think in that moment, he could have sworn that the sound of the TARDIS was an octave higher, more cheerful than usual. The Doctor opened the door, went out of his ship, and stood at the top of the stairs watching the two men with his hands deep in the pockets of his brown suit. The features of his face did not betray any emotion. He just looked at them, maybe assimilating a reality that the humans have not understood yet.

Jack finally went aways from Ianto and took a few steps toward the foot of the stairs. The Time Lord saw that his hair was disheveled, his face wet with tears and his clothes and cheek were covered with bloodstains on his husband.

—Tell me what’s happened here, Doctor... —said the Captain, without even asking how the Time Lord had learned of Ianto’s death—. How could it happen?

The Doctor moved his gaze from Jack to Ianto, still sitting on the stretcher with his clothes torn, bloody and open, breathing hard, eyes full of fear and bewilderment. Then he looked back at Jack. The depth of the former time agent’s emotions always overwhelmed him. Jack was a force of nature, no one could remain indifferent to such a creature. For better or worse, to love him or to hate him, no one could escape the influence of his personality and presence. Nobody at all. The Doctor sighed deeply before speaking.

—This ship loves you, Jack.

The Captain lost concentration for a moment and blinked.

—What? What... are you talking about?

—The TARDIS is alive and loves you, Jack —said the Doctor in a firm voice.

Jack shook his head, confused.

—I know that. And I love her... But, Doctor... IANTO WAS DEAD! —Jack shouted, recovering, pointing to his husband behind him—. ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME HOW THE FU…?

—The TARDIS met you when you started to travel with me and Rose and, from that moment, you were special to her —said the Doctor ignoring Jack’s shouts—. Then she lost you, she recovered you again, she felt your pain at the Valiant...

Jack shook his head again as if to expel something that was inside it. What was the Doctor talking about? Ianto had come back to life after death, exactly as it happened to him, why he was now speaking about the TARDIS?

—And I... I felt hers... I felt the TARDIS pain every day that that hell lasted. But I don’t understand...

The Doctor continued speaking with the same voice.

—You healed her when the Master cannibalized her and then, years later, she saw you suffer to impossible limits when I rescued him after the Master kidnapped you again. Neither she nor I could cure you of everything you had to go through. But then I brought Ianto on board and he was the one who got you out of that horror. And she felt it. She learned what Ianto means to you. Later, your children were born on the ship and she saw you happy, and she was happy, and even sang for you and the babies —he paused as Ianto fixed his gaze on the floor, overwhelmed, and Jack panted with horror, understanding—. Can’t you see it, Jack? Do both of you see it now? She made you as you are, even if indirectly, and when Ianto was about to die in that explosion on board five years ago, she did the same with him. As a gift. You lost Ianto and she brought him back to you because you love him. She brought him back... maybe forever.

Jack stumbled and searched for support in one of the chairs of the autopsy room. He was pale and shivering. The Doctor went downstairs and walked to stand in front of Ianto. He put a hand on either side of the man’s face and forced him to look at him. Ianto seemed to be in shock. The Doctor stroked his cheek tenderly.

—When you had that accident with the entangled particles capacitors of the TARDIS, for a moment, I suspected something strange had happened, something that eluded us all three. But then you recovered consciousness, and everything returned to normal. Or we thought everything was normal... I swear I knew nothing.

—You mean... that I’ve been being an immortal for five years... and I didn’t know? — Ianto asked the Doctor. A few feet away, sitting in his chair, Jack sobbed quietly without identifying the cause for which he was crying.

—Well, it’s the first time you’ve been close to death... Eeh, no. No, actually, you’ve died —the Doctor rectified with a grin—. It’s the first time you’ve died and rose again. And you are still too young to notice the passage of time was not affecting you.  
Ianto opened his mouth and closed it several times before he could speak.

—Am I going... Am I going to be like that... the rest of my life? That is... until...? How long...?

—I don’t know, Ianto Jones. I honestly don’t know, I can’t feel it. Until the time we share that terrible year in the Valiant, I could perceive the disruption that Jack was causing in the temporal continuum from worlds away. But many things changed during that time. Of course, I can still feel that Jack is not like other men. But I’ve changed, in fact, I believe that I have improved... and, here in Cardiff, with the Rift... everything is more difficult to assess.

Ianto’s gripped the Doctor’s hands that still were on his cheeks.

—But, Doctor... Do you feel in me the same as in Jack?

—I can’t say that categorically, Ianto. We are inside your base, with that stirring Rift upon us and with the TARDIS parked just there...

—AM I LIKE JACK? —Ianto cut with his deep and unmistakable voice.

The Doctor went few steps away from the table, again put his hands in his pockets and looked at Jack, who had not uttered a word nor had risen from his chair and was staring at him with his big blue eyes as he dried his tears. Then he looked at Ianto. His eyes were darker but equally pervasive and resolved. Both men were very much alike in many ways. In others, they were entirely complementary. An idea crossed the mind of Doctor: was this a gift from his conscious and devious time machine… or were they simply following the steps that fate had set for all of them since the beginning of existence? The Time Lord sighed, surrendering. He couldn’t lie about what he was feeling.

—At least... you are very similar.

—What do you mean by that?

—I mean, in one way or another, sooner or later, we’ll know, Ianto. I mean... that the TARDIS knows what she does. Now I’ll leave you alone while I go to talk to your companions. They are terribly concernid —he added, his voice changing to a lighter one. He walked up the stairs and began to climb toward his ship—. I will help you to restore your system to open this... place. But take your time, It would be nice if you would change your clothes... We will be waiting outside in a café.

The Doctor gave them one last look and a very slight smile, entered the TARDIS and left.

When the sound of the blue cabin faded and the wind stopped blowing into the Hub, Jack stood up. He looked worse than Ianto.

—Speak to me, Ianto —he said after a moment of silence—. Tell me something, whatever you want. Yell at me if you want.

Ianto rubbed his forehead hard.

—I don’t want to yell at you, Jack... Why would I...?

—Please... Tell me how you feel...

—THE THING IS I STILL DON’T KNOW, JACK! —he exploded—. I died but I’m here again... My God, is this what you feel? It’s horrible, frightening... There was nothing... nothing... And that pain when waking up...

—I know.

Ianto looked at his husband. He thought he knew him well, they had spent many years together and had shared things no one could ever experience. But now he realized that he had no idea how much pain and loneliness Jack’s immortality could enclose. Now he was beginning to understand the depth of emotions and feelings towards all things in the man he loved, his true nature. He was overwhelmed by the new dimensions of understanding that opened before him.

—So what now, Jack? Am I going to resurrect every time I die, just like you?

—I can’t tell, Ianto. I don’t know. Even the Doctor doesn’t know...

Ianto smiled bitterly.

—You know? Maybe another time, at first, when I fell for you, this would have been like a dream come true... You, me and eternity. Romantic and fabulous. But now... Our children... I will see them grow old and then... and then... —Jack closed his eyes tightly, surrounded himself with his own arms and bowed his head with a gasp. Ianto immediately regretted his words and put his hands to his head—. I’m sorry! No... I didn’t mean... Oh, Jack, can’t you see? This is too much for me! I HADN’T NOTICED, I HADN’T THOUGHT! That’s what you feel for them, for me and for all that you have loved! You’ve lost everyone and I thought I understood your pain... But I was not able to understand the full extent of it... until now...

Ianto laughed in sheer terror. Jack said nothing. He looked intently, with his head down, still hugging himself.

—I’m not as strong as you are —Ianto continued in a small voice—, you were a hero before being immortal... HOW I’M GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS?

—You are much stronger than you think. And you won’t go through this all alone. I will always be by your side. Forever. You will learn from my experiences and we will face whatever comes. Whatever it is.

Ianto was moved. Decidedly, Jack was born to be a hero. Although at that time he seemed even more frightened than he was.

—Come here —he whispered, tired.

Jack walked over to the stretcher and stood before Ianto. Ianto spread his legs so that his husband could get even closer and hugged him tightly. A few seconds passed before Jack, stunned, corresponded the embrace.

After a while, Ianto broke the silence. He spoke quietly, intimately, with Jack wrapped tightly in his arms.

—You know, cariad? Since we are parents I’ve tried to stay alive at all costs. “Death by Torchwood”, you know. Nobody get old in this business... But before that, at first, everything was different. There was you and everything was exciting: the aliens, the Rift, technology, sex in the archives... I didn’t care that every minute could be the last because there was you and you were all that mattered. But when Gwyneth was born, things changed. I knew that she, and then Kai, will have you forever, and that made me happy, but I also wanted to be there, I didn’t want to miss anything of their lives. Nor of yours... I guess I wanted to be like you. And now... I have mixed feelings.

— You get used —Jack said to his ear.

“Will I get used?”, Ianto thought. "My children, my sister, my nephews, Gwen, Tosh, Owen and their families... How will I get used to lose them? How can Jack stand it?”

Then he remembered the hollow and sad look that sometimes he surprised at his beloved Captain when he played with his children and realized that even Jack had not been able to get used to. He further tightened the hug, rubbed his husband’s broad and frozen back and kissed him on the neck. Jack pressed against him.

—I can think of a thousand questions, cariad.

—One by one, Ianto.

—How will we tell the children?

—They are young.

—Not so much, Jack. Thirteen and eleven, they are preteens and exceptionally intelligent.

Jack sighed. His current family was different in all aspects of their previous families. He didn’t want to repeat past mistakes.

—They know I’m not like the others. They will learn eventually you’re not either.

—And our work? Our friends? Torchwood?

—I think that will be the easiest part. Owen, Gwen and Tosh will get used. Sooner or later.

—My God, Jack, this is so strange...

—I know, honey.

—And I’m selfish. I haven’t asked how you feel about all this. Does this change our relationship?

Jack winced and turned away a few inches to look at Ianto’s eyes.

—Change it? Ianto, what do you mean?

He shrugged.

—You were going to spend a few years with me and the children. We were a stage in your life... And now what?

—No... You’ve never been... Ianto, you’ve never been “a stage” in my life. I’ve never seen our relationship and our family like this, never think that. I love you. Immortal or not, I would never have married you if I hadn’t been in love with you.

—You always fall in love, Jack —Ianto said, stroking his disheveled hair fondly.

—Ianto, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, believe it or not, I don’t care. I was married before and I swear I was not willing to repeat it. I had had children before and maybe that would have eventually repeated but certainly not if it was me who had to give them birth. I would never have made it if you hadn’t beeen the father. I hope you understand this: NEVER. And certainly not after what the Master did to me. Gwyneth and Kai are in the world because you are their father. Jack Harkness would never have had children without you.

Ianto looked away. The beauty of Jack and the rotundity of his words threatened to make him mourn and he was too tired for that.

—Forgive me, Jack. I’ve just realized that I am immortal.

For the first time, Jack smiled.

—I know. But you’ll get used.

—It’s all very confusing... My friends, my family and... my children... will be left behind...

—Sorry.

—But you’ll always be there...

—I will —he promised.

Ianto looked at him again and lowered his voice to a whisper.

—And this is so great that makes me feel guilty.

—Me too.

—I love you.

—I love you, Ianto.

They kissed on the lips and then gently hugged in silence for a long time.

 

The lights came on and the Hub seemed to come to life after a restless sleep.

—The Doctor and Tosh have restored the system —Jack said.

Ianto sighed.

—Well let’s have a shower and get out of here. I need fresh air —he said jumping off the couch, taking Jack’s hand and pulling him from the medical unit.

Passing by where Ianto had died a few hours earlier, the Welshman stared at the blackened puddle of his own blood. He always cleaned the remains of Jack’s deaths and he did so with dedication and diligence. He closed his eyes tightly, with goosebumps, and forced himself not to think about the times he would die from now on and if he would return of those deaths, or who would have to clean the bloodstains.

Jack, perceiving what Ianto felt, pulled his hand.

—Don’t look, it won’t be there when you get back, I promise. I’ll take care.

Ianto let himself be led to the showers and both helped to undress each other. Under the running hot water, they embraced without speaking.

 

Once dressed, while Jack put his Webley into its holster and his distinctive coat, Ianto straightened his tie in front the mirror and tried to ease the tension. He didn’t want anything to spoil his beautiful relationship with Jack. He was ready to face his new life, or so he thought. At least he would try, whenever he had Jack by his side.

—I’m glad the Doctor came. I assume he will have talked to the others and he will have explained about the accident and the TARDIS —he turned around and looked at Jack with a mischievous smile on his lips. He was a little pale but elegant and handsome as ever in his gray suit—. Otherwise Owen would end up saying that you have transmitted me immortality through sex or something.

Jack laughed briefly, accomplice, grateful for the joke.

—Yes, that would be very like him.

Ianto took a step toward his husband and put a hand on his cheek. He stroked the line of his wonderful jaw.

—I told you, Jack. I told you I would do everything possible to stay by your side. Dead or alive.

—I remember.

—I don’t know what will happen in the future... But I want you to know that I love you.

Jack didn’t say anything, just kissed Ianto again with one hand on his waist and another on his neck. Ianto ran his hands through the military coat tissue. Then they went out of the Hub.

 

The cabin was parked outside a café in the middle of the plass. People walked to and fro by the ample space in Cardiff Bay, some hastily and other strolling in the warm spring sun at noon but no one seemed able to see her... except those who had traveled with her and loved her. Ianto touched the blue wood of the TARDIS with reverence. He was scared and at the same time, grateful in some way that he didn’t dare to realize. What lay before him terrified and excited him in equal measure. Jack put his hand on Ianto’s, slightly bent and kissed the blue wood of such prodigious ship. Ianto, moved, took Jack’s hand and raised it to his lips. Together, hand in hand, they walked to the café to meet the Doctor and their friends.

Jack turned a moment to look back to the TARDIS. He realized that their lives were intimately intertwined. It was strange, unusual. But at the time, Jack could only think that for the first time in over a hundred years, he was not alone.


End file.
